“It was never intended to be an Instagram wedding“, said Clare when she sent me these words (and these great photos, by Matt of Fern Photography). “We needed enough pomp and ceremony to make it an occasion, but enough informality so everyone could relax and have a good time.“

Having been together for 20 years and as you describe it – ‘reversing into marriage’ – what we wanted was a really good family party!

If we had the space we’d have had it at home, but instead our venue was ‘The Mallard’ in Gullane, our local hotel and pub, who were super friendly, professional and accommodating.

With 15 kids between the ages of 1 and 17 attending the wedding and our tweenage daughter as the bridesmaid, it was essential that people could wiggle and chat and participate.

We wanted the kids to know they were invited because they were important, rather than just a tag along to the parents.

Our ceremony started with an audience participation, multiple choice quiz, with questions about how me and Dave originally met and started dating. 

Then our story was read and embellished by around 12 members of the family. Our friend sang me up the garden path and serenaded us during the register signing.

We shared our own individual vows, and we ended with a group sing song. After that we had the buffet, toys and crafts, bubble guns and free bar! 

During the reception we handed out busy bags to each of the kids, which our daughter had designed and made specially for each person with games and stickers and sweets to prevent boredom during the speeches and to break the ice and help them play together.

Various members of the family described our wedding as bonkers fun, chaotic, memorable, pure and sincere, authentic and full of love. The nieces and nephews and cousins who hadn’t all been in the same place for a very long time, have reconnected and discovered just how well they get along and have arranged to meet up together again. Our daughter played and laughed with her own generation of the family, and all those connections that we find so important were made stronger.

Meanwhile me and Dave get to wear our shiny rings that remind us of each other, our parents and family and the life that we have built and will continue to share (my ring is made from my Mum and Dad’s engagement ring, and Dave’s ring was his Mum’s wedding ring).

Tim is a great facilitator. He listens, processes, understands what you are dreaming and hoping for and then he feeds in ideas to help shape and structure the day and make it real, but always letting your individual words and ideas define it. 

He was also the celebrant for both my parents’ funerals, and each time I’ve worked with him, I’ve found him to be respectful, reliable, full of interesting ideas and really supportive.

It was nice thinking about the wedding again, because we had a blast. Thanks for all your help in making it a brilliant day.

No, thank you, Clare and Dave! I loved how you made your ceremony your own – and how you made the kids feel part of it, which is tough, as we know.

You did it brilliantly, and I’m just so pleased that everyone thought it was “bonkers fun, chaotic, memorable, pure and sincere, authentic and full of love” – I thought that too!

I must thank Matt from Fern Photography too; his photos really capture the mood, don’t they?