What is ‘an elopement’? It’s a very elastic word these days.

Americans tend to use it to mean a wedding with fewer than twenty guests, but in its true sense, an elopement refers to a couple who choose to marry in secret, against the wishes of their family. The most famous elopement in fiction is of course, Romeo and Juliet, who fled their feuding families to pledge their troth, but as you probably know, it didn’t go quite to plan…

The most famous elopement in British history was between Sarah Anne Child and John Fane, the 10th Earl of Westmorland, which took place on the 20th of May 1782 in the blacksmith’s shop at Gretna Green. The bride’s father chased them all the way to the border, but he failed to prevent the marriage, and it caused such a scandal that ‘Lord Hardwicke’s Marriage Act’ was brought into English law the following year.

The Law Lords in Scotland, however, declined to follow suit. At the time, boys as young as 14 and girls as young as 12 could be legally married without their parents’ permission in Scotland, which is why Gretna Green and its ‘an anvil priest’ has been the elopement capital of the UK ever since. ‘Irregular Marriage’ is a fascinating subject and if you want to know more, you should check out Rachel Knowles’s Regency History Blog.

All of which is a rather roundabout way of introducing Hayley and Paul who in touch with me in April of this year. At the time all they knew was they wanted to get married in secret at a wonderfully secret place – Seacliff Beach in East Lothian. It’s one of their favourite places in the world, and – as it happens – it’s one of mine too!

I’ve conducted several elopements there in recent years so perhaps it’s not quite the secret it once was, but we were lucky because Hayley and Paul wanted to get married in early August, so I suggested we aim for ‘a dawn wedding’. In my previous life when I worked in film and television, we talked about “the magic hours”, dawn and dusk, when the sun is rising or setting and the light is at its most glorious. Sunrise on the day Paul and Hayley chose was to be at 4:27, so we agreed we’d aim to be at Seacliff by 5 o’clock at the latest.

What was it Robert Burns said about ‘the best laid plans of mice and men’? Well, the forecast told us that it was going to be raining from first thing that day until about 4 o’clock in the afternoon so in the end, that was when we held the ceremony and as you can see, the light was with us!

An elopement brings marriage back to its essential elements: two people making promises to one another. To make it a legal marriage all you need are two witnesses, and on the day, they were the photographer, Cara Davidson, and her dad, Andrew, who was a great help; he even lay flat out holding a tripod steady so Paul and Hayley could make a video of the ceremony to show to their families when they broke the news.

There was one other very special person there: Drax. Okay, he’s not a person he is an Alsatian, but he lent a very dignified presence and behaved extraordinarily well in front of camera.

When you’re eloping, you don’t have your family and friends around you so we generally cut to the chase, but because they were making a film to show everyone later, Paul and Hayley asked me to explain why we were here.

As they said, “We’ve chosen to begin our marriage in this way not because anyone is less important – but because this feels most honest to who we are. A chance to be fully present, side by side, with nothing but the sound of the ocean, the wind, and each other. This isn’t about doing things differently for the sake of it. It’s about doing things truthfully. About choosing presence over performance. About standing together, in a place we love, and taking this step in a way that feels completely our own.”

And as I went on to say, “this place matters to them. Seacliff – with its wide skies, greenery, and endless sea – is a place they’ve returned to, again and again. A place of adventure, of calm, and of perspective. There’s no better place to begin a marriage than somewhere that reminds you how fleeting and precious life is.”

After I read them that famous passage from Corinthians XIIII, Hayley and Paul drank ‘Scotland’s Other National Drink’ from a quaich they’d bought when they travelled around the NC500.

I conducted a handfasting for them as well, and read a poem written by Hayley’s Granddad, and they spoke their own vows to each other that they’d kept secret until the day.

It was a very special moment – just Hayley and Paul, Cara and Andrew, Drax and me.

I was delighted when Hayley sent me these photos the other day, with a note to say, “Thank you so much again for everything; its been such a special time for us and you and Cara made it so calm and special for us.”

Not at all, Hayley: thank you! Thank you for choosing to do things your way. Thank you for choosing to create a ceremony in your own words and thank you too for your lovely present. It’s sitting on my desk beside me as I type.

A beautiful and thoughtful touchstone, your rock – which you chose and painted yourself – will always bring back very happy memories of your elopement for me.

Thank you again – and thanks of course to Cara and her dad, and to Drax for being such a good boy!