Most people think funerals and weddings are very different. That’s what I thought too when I trained as a celebrant 20 years ago, but it didn’t take me long to realise that actually they’re about the very same thing – love.

That realisation came home to me most strongly when I conducted Louise and John’s wedding at Carlowrie Castle in July.

I’d first met Louise when she asked me to conduct the ceremony for her beloved Auntie Audrey in April the previous year, but just a few months later I met her again, when we had to say goodbye to her grandad Larry as well.

You might think that having met me on two sad occasions, that would have put her off, but I’m very glad to say it didn’t. In fact, it did the opposite. When Louise and John got in touch, she said, “if Audrey was still here, she would definitely have been with us. You were with us to say goodbye to her, so having you conduct our wedding would almost feel like she was part of our day.”

That was why we began with a ‘Candle Ceremony’. Jemma & Claire lit it together, and then we took a moment of quiet contemplation to remember all those they had lost, including John & Jemma’s Nana Elizabeth who sadly passed away just a few weeks before the wedding.

Like so many couples, John and Louise were “reversing into marriage”, and Louise decided to tell their story in the form of a poem.

“I met this mister through my sister,

although I already knew her brother and dad.

It didn’t take much – the move of a table,

a few dates and some trips to Tesco for the man-to-man cable…

perhaps there was a wee kiss, and then along came the kids…

Christmas 2022; John was a little reserved,

The kids did their gifts then the dogs, and we went last.

John said he’d forgotten my gifts, they were in his car.

I couldn’t help but wonder,

then I opened the first thing that caught my eye.

The jewellery bag…

It wasn’t the most controversial setting,

but it was indeed my engagement ring!!!!

He said, “it was meant to happen sooner,

just life got in the way!”

The kids are never around,

but the plan was to always include them along with Hazel & Ivy,

so I replied, “if I put this on there will be a wedding!

And he said, “yeah – but this buys me some time?”

I was very proud of Louise for having the courage to tell their story that way. As she said, “It’s given me the kick that I needed because I actually really enjoy writing. I just never had the confidence before, but working with you has helped me realise my potential.”

“Our ceremony couldn’t have been any better, and we can’t count how many friends and family who said “wow!” 

“We feel truly grateful that we chose you to conduct our ceremony given the unfortunate circumstances in which we met.  You helped us say our final goodbyes to our loved ones and you made us feel they were with us on our wedding day.”

“We knew we wanted to share a happy beautiful memory and having you there tied that in. It was the closest I’ve ever felt to those we have lost. Tim – thank you so much!”

The poet Philip Larkin (who wasn’t exactly a sentimental kind of guy) ended his poem ‘An Arundel Tomb’ with these words, “what will survive of us is love” and I agree. Those we love live on in our hearts and minds, and they are always with us, whether we see them or not.

Thank you, Louise, for being prepared not just to acknowledge that, but to let me help you and John celebrate it. It’s been a privilege to share your words.

And thank you too, John Charles, for allowing me to share your great photos!