Your vows are the heart of your marriage, but how do you see them? Are they a “once and forever” promise, or are they open to renegotiation? Lawrence and Kimberley have a unique perspective on that…

I’m asking the question because I recently conducted a Renewal of Vows ceremony for another couple who – like Lawrence and Kimberley – flew here from the USA, and it made me really think about what “the vows” mean.

The promises we make in the marriage ceremony are a reflection and a restatement of all the other promises we have made to each other before that moment.

They are a re-enactment of that first time that you said, “I love you”.

They revisit the moment that someone said, “will you marry me?” and someone else said, “yes!”

And of course they are the moment when you bring a whole new future into being by speaking it. That’s what makes humanist weddings so moving and so powerful.

Lawrence and Kimberley’s story is in my book, “WE DO!” You can still track down a copy if you look hard enough…

As I wrote, this wasn’t Kimberley and Lawrence’s first vow renewal ceremony. It wasn’t even their second. It was their fifth, and it really touched me that way back in 1992, they’d made a promise to renew their vows every five years.

In the day to day reality of married life, it’s easy to forget those promises you made with hearts full of love. One of the reasons that humanist marriages are up to four times less likely to end in divorce is that we ask couples to really be open and honest with themselves about why they’re doing it.

Lawrence’s ancestors were Scots, Kimberley’s weren’t, so their handfasting incorporated a modern tartan – Flower of Scotland – and an ancient one – Royal Stewart – and they invited their daughter and Kimberley’s sister to tie the knot.

Although this was the fifth time Kimberley and Lawrence had made their promises, it didn’t in any way lessen the importance and the emotional impact of the ceremony. Quite the reverse.

You don’t need a celebrant to help you renew your vows. Arguably, you do that unconsciously every day, but there is something very special about bringing together all the most important people in your lives to witness it.

As it happens, my wife Susie and I will be renewing our vows on our tenth anniversary later this year, at the place we got married, Monachyle Mhor. Our friend, the photographer Ditte Solgaard wrote about it at the time, and you can read her story here

These photos have yet another wedding connection because they were taken by the talented Edinburgh-based photographer Carley Buick and I conducted her marriage to Fraser at Kirknewton Stables – which you can also see here.

Is it time for you to say “I do” again? Let me know…