Humanist Weddings – They’re a Guy Thing…

OK I lied. Weddings really aren’t a guy thing.
Men don’t grow up in The Cinderella Complex.
We don’t lie in bed at the age of nine thinking, “One day, when I get married, I’m going to wear…”
Or even, One day, when I get married, all the table favours are going to match my team’s football strip.”

Men think that Weddings Are For Girls.

Don’t get me wrong; a lot of men want to be married.
But most men, (and I’m aware that this is a sweeping statement, but bear with me), think that weddings are mostly about shopping – and what that means is being dragged on on endless visits to choose the photographer and the venue and the caterer and the flowers and so on and so forth, where their only role is to say, “Yes, dear, whatever you say.”

When couples come to see me, I always ask if they’ve read this blog, and 8 times out of 10 it’s the bride to be who says, “Yes, and it’s been really helpful!” And the groom to be sits there looking slightly sheepish, hoping I don’t notice. Well this post is for him. (So get him to come over to the screen and read this next bit over your shoulder…)

Your wedding ceremony is the one part of the day that isn’t about shopping. It’s all about using your imagination and speaking your mind. And if there’s one thing you like to do, it’s speak your mind.

A Humanist wedding is the only form of marriage where a couple are free to talk about the reasons they love one another and speak about their hopes and promises in their own words. That means both of you.
It’s a unique privilege that took twenty years of campaigning to achieve.

Here’s the difference.

In an old-fashioned wedding ceremony, the person conducting the ceremony tells the bride and groom and their friends and family what marriage means, and what they are promising one another. 

In a Humanist wedding, it’s the other way round.

When we meet, I won’t tell you what marriage means.
I will ask you what marriage means to you.

I want you to think about why you’re doing this, what your hopes and intentions are, and then – on the day – I (and anybody else you want to involve in delivering parts of the ceremony) will tell your friends and family.

So that’s why a humanist wedding IS a guy thing.
Because it’s about your thoughts, your feelings, your reasons, your hopes and your promises.
And it doesn’t work without your input.
And just think – whatever you choose to say, she has to go, “Yes, dear, whatever you say.”


  1. Hannah & Kees's Humanist Wedding at the Byre at Inchyra - Tim Maguire left a comment on February 14, 2023 at 3:54 pm

    […] the first email I send to couples who ask me to conduct their ceremony, I share a post called Humanist Weddings – They’re a Guy Thing, which gently points out to grooms that the ceremony won’t be amazing unless they do their […]

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