“Creating meaning: that’s what we’re doing”. That’s what it says on the home page of the Humankind website, and that’s why I love working with couples who get that’s what a wedding is about.

Your wedding is your chance to tell the people who know you best and love you most why you’re doing what you’re doing, and what you hope for the future. It’s also a chance to use your imagination, and that’s exactly what Bex and Conor did in their ceremony in the barn up at Comrie Croft.

It couldn’t have begun better! The flower girls scattered their petals better than any I’ve ever worked with (note to self, find out who’s their agent…).

Then – after Chris gave us a reading of Seamus Heaney’s wonderful poem “Scaffolding” – Conor, Bex and I took turns to tell their story. Who could be better to tell your story than you?

Their initial online flirtation was original. Bex asked, “would you rather be green but able to photosynthesise or just have grass for hair?” While Conor’s reply was, “if you could be a sea animal for a day what would you choose?”

As they admitted, “We were equally unskilled in the dating game, which only brought us closer together. From then on, we saw a lot of each other, but both were still being evasive about the situation to friends and family.”

To people who asked Conor, Bex was his “lady friend”, nameless and enigmatic. Meanwhile Bex’s lies to throw her mum off the scent were getting increasingly implausible. She said, “I must apologise to Josh and Raynette for fabricating many fictitious nights out with them during this time. But eventually I had to come clean.”

if you’ve been following my blog for a while, you may have come across Raynette & Josh before, because I conducted their wedding at Cambo in 2022, where Bex and Conor were guests, (and if you look carefully you’ll spot them in the photos on that story.)

The next few years were a blur as they completed their doctorates and wrestled with the challenges of long distance love before Conor got down on one pyjama-ed knee on the shores of Loch Awe and said, ‘will you get engaged to me?’ Bex pointed out that she still hadn’t technically agreed to marry him! 

Nikki read us a beautiful (but sadly unsharable) poem by Bryan Guinness called “By Loch Etive” and then it was Vow Time – although Conor and Bex asked the guests to make some promises to them before they exchanged their own Secret Vows.

Once they’d exchanged rings and signed the Marriage Schedule,

we did a handfasting – although when I say ‘we’ what I really mean is their mums did it while I talked about its meaning, and they did a fine job.

Rather than use tartan, as most couples do, Conor and Bex chose ribbons in the colours of the clothes they were wearing, which I thought was another typically thoughtful touch.

And then I said a few last words of my own before asking their friend Robert to give us this traditional Irish blessing.

From this day forward,

May the road rise to meet you

May the wind be always at your back

May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home

And may the hand of a friend always be near.

May green be the grass you walk on,

May blue be the skies above you,

May pure be the joys that surround you,

May true be the hearts that love you.

I got a lovely email from Bex a few months later, when they’d got back from doing some alpine adventuring and attending a family wedding. As she said, “You’ll be pleased to know all our nieces and nephews said our ceremony was ‘way better’ – no better feedback than that!”

So many people have mentioned to us since that they’ve never been at such a personal ceremony, and that they left feeling like they knew the two of us a little better. Being able to shape our ceremony so completely and make it so personal to us was instrumental. We are not usually very emotionally demonstrative around other people, but we made the decision early on in planning the ceremony that this was an opportunity to let our friends and family in a bit, and it feels we really succeeded at that, which is a real privilege.

I’m delighted to hear it, Bex – and I hope your guests will still be talking about it for years to come! Thanks again for choosing me as your celebrant – and for allowing me to share your ideas with the next generation of couples looking to create a uniquely meaningful ceremony.

Looking back on this post, I can see I’ve used the word “better” about six times already, so I’ll have to raise my game and sign off with something better still…

I wish you both all the best!